


Alexander Gideon Lightwood's Terrible No Good Very Bad Idea

by jillyfae



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Daylighter Simon Lewis, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Immortal Alec Lightwood, Lightwood Family Feels, M/M, Magnus Bane in Edom, Metafiction, Prince of Hell Magnus Bane, Temporary Character Death, it does also include
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-20
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2020-03-06 01:53:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18841234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jillyfae/pseuds/jillyfae
Summary: "I need you to turn me into a Vampire, so I can go."What if there really was no other way...





	Alexander Gideon Lightwood's Terrible No Good Very Bad Idea

**Author's Note:**

> So hey. Vampire Alec canon divergence, y/y? [[tumblr post](https://faejilly.tumblr.com/post/184902961188)]
> 
> aka look at what my brain does in the middle of the night aka (to paraphrase the ever brilliant [rutherina](https://twitter.com/rutherina)) _let me tell you the tale of Alec’s awful-brilliant idea_  
> 
> Do beware of the blatant suicide, if that's not the kind of thing you want to read. It's not permanent, but how else is Alec going to turn into a Vampire? It's not like he'd make/let someone else kill him. 
> 
> (if you do the twitter thing, my catch-all tag is #jillyfic)

Alec says his terrible plan just like he does on the show, and walks away. Everyone is sure they're gonna find something else. They _have to._

But they can't. 

(We're downplaying Izzy's _Heavenly Fire_ in this version, like. It's dangerous because setting yourself on fire is never good but not probably fatal. It probably would protect her in Edom, but it's also known to be temporary, so she might be able to help but if she works her way through it and she's still in Edom? Very _Very_ Bad.)

Clary literally _can't_ force through the Angelic resistance to make the Alliance Rune, no one knows if it's a side-effect of the bond she'd had with Jonathan, if the Angel's are just Putting Their Foot Down after that whole necromancy thing, or what, but it just won't work.

Lorenzo makes it clear that while he could get someone _to_ Edom, thanks to the Rift it would be a one way trip for whoever went, just like it was for Magnus. Unless you _wanted_ to kill Magnus and rip open the sky above Alicante again. 

Like Lilith does.

No Alliance Rune.

No Way Home.

Alec talks to his family. (Imagine Maryse's face as he tries to figure out how to say it, _I've failed him and hurt him and lost him before, and I can't do it again,_ I can't, _it would break something, I wouldn't be me anymore, there wouldn't be any_ me _left._ ) He's so, so sure. He's going to find a way to do it on his own, if he has to, but he'd rather do it with them. 

Plus, you know. There's the whole _Lilith still wants to destroy the world_ thing. 

So they get it. They do. For Alec, for Magnus (for Alicante, for the world). It's a _lot._

_Keep looking,_ Alec asks them, and of course they will, they promise, but they know, they all know, this is probably it. This is good-bye.

(Alec can say good-bye to Izzy and Jace and his mother, says good-bye to Clary, both of them trying to pretend it doesn't hurt as much as it does. But he doesn't know how to say good-bye to Max, how do you tell someone who's still basically a child that sort of truth? How do you tell your little brother you're _leaving,_ you're dying, you're probably never coming back. You're choosing someone else over him. You're choosing the world over him might be easier? But it isn't the whole truth. But you can't leave on purpose without _trying._ But he doesn't have a lot of time, either. They don't know when Lilith's going to act. They don't know how long it will take Alec to get himself under control, how long it'll take to find Magnus once he's in Edom. There are too many things they don't know.) 

He manages a family dinner, Maryse posits it as trying to cheer him up, considering Magnus, so Robert and Max don't have to know. (Alec apologizes to his mom, but he _can't,_ he can't tell Max, not like this. He tells her it's up to her, once he's gone, to decide what to tell him, when and how. She nods. Izzy cries. Jace can't talk.) It's his last meal, in more ways than one, and he knows it. His favorite foods, his favorite people, one. last. time. 

He's not going to be back. Not like this. Never like this again. Because it might not work _at all._ No one says that out loud. Everyone is thinking it. How terrible it is, to _hope_ he dies quickly and makes it to Hell without too much trouble. How awful, that that's the better option.

Alec has it all prepared. They dig the grave. There's a change of clothes, for _after,_ because he knows he'll be filthy. 

Catarina agrees to do the ritual to send him to Edom ~~if~~ when he rises.

There's blood. Waiting. It's their blood, Izzy's and Maryse's and Jace's and Clary's, because he's theirs, and they're his, and they need something, _anything_ , they can do to help. And if somehow he does come back someday, back to this world with its morning sunlight and brilliant sunsets, he'll be a Daylighter, which if you're going to be a Vampire? Is the best option. (Simon carefully doesn't let himself think about it too much, about how nice it would be to not be the only one, to not be alone once Raphael and Clary and Izzy and Jace are gone.)

They're as ready as they'll ever be. 

Simon takes a swallow of Alec's blood (awkwardly & uncomfortably) and gives Alec a swallow of his own (not any better!) and then there's a beat as they all stand there, because. Well. Now they have to kill Alec.

But none of them move. None of them can do it.

Except Alec, who pulls out a medicine bottle and pops a couple pills and Simon asks (because he's the only one who can push through this, because he's _done this,_ but he doesn't want to think about that) and Alec's face does something complicated that Simon can't quite interpret and he says _high-dose aspirin_

And Izzy makes a _noise_ in the back of her throat, and Clary's voice is a little shaky with the _I don't think painkillers are going to help here?_ And Izzy shakes her head because _blood thinners._

Alec nods, and closes his eyes, and can't make himself say good-bye.

And then he pulls out a dagger and slits his arms from wrist to elbow.

And he's so matter of fact, and Simon can't help but recognize someone who'd _thought about it,_ the ways in which he could die, and how to make it easier, or faster, and which way would work best for this, which he should choose for what he needed to do.

Alec looks at Jace and he doesn't say he's sorry, but you can see it in his eyes. He looks over at Izzy, because she's the only one who knows what's about to happen, and at Clary, because he knows she'll never flinch and he says "catch him"

And he falls back into the open grave. 

It's a terrifyingly short time later when Jace screams, and starts to fall to his knees because the _parabatai_ bond is breaking.

And when Jace can stand again, they have to fill in the grave.

And then they have to wait. 

It works. 

Alec claws his way out of the ground, and Simon's there, and Simon can feel it this time, he knows what it is this time, hunger and need and rage and grief, this tug like a magnet between his ribs. Only no, Alec's the magnet and he's the North Pole, he's the center this time, so he holds himself still like an anchor, he HOLDS, holds them both steady, and Alec feeds on the blood they give him.

Alec steadies. 

Alec cleans up, and changes his clothes, and Izzy gives him a new bow and quiver and blades, ones without adamas because he can't use that anymore.

He thanks her, but he can't quite meet her eyes. 

He thanks all of them, his voice too soft and his eyes flicking away too quickly.

(He tells Catarina to give Madzie a hug from him, and tell her he's sorry he couldn't do it himself.)

Catarina casts the spell, and he leaves, because he knows if he stays too long he'll never be able to go.

He finds Magnus.

They have that same amazing embrace, flinging themselves together. But then Magnus pulls back, because he can _tell._ Nothing Angelic can survive in Edom unless it has Fallen.

Or is no longer Angelic.

Magnus has loved Vampires before, Camille and Raphael and poor young Simon, and he _knows._ And he's _furious._

So that's one hell of an argument. _How could you?_ vs _how could I not?_ Alec's _I couldn't abandon you_ vs Magnus' _you pushed me away,_ Alec's _It's my choice_ vs Magnus' _oh everything's your choice, isn't it? You can make my choices for me and our choices for us and your choices for yourself and I'm just supposed to LET YOU?_

Because they're supposed to be a _team._

And they haven't been for awhile, not really. They have it out, finally, the way Alec has had to make decisions for everyone around him his entire life, because they wouldn't or couldn't or there just wasn't _time._

(We have nothing but time now, Magnus mentions, bitter and sharp and lost and found and they pause there, for that, for fear and hope and careful grief, but that's for later. If they don't die tomorrow, they'll have a lot of _later._ )

Alec knows he made a mistake, he apologizes for the _how,_ but he won't budge on the why: _you told me you needed your magic back! Why is it so hard to accept that I believed you?_

And Magnus realizes that Alec doesn't know that Magnus needs _him_. Alec knows Magnus wants him, and loves him, but he really doesn't know that Magnus has no more idea how to live without Alec than Alec knew how to live without Magnus.

Yelling and crying and hugging... they get there. And they're better. 

But there's still Lilith.

She's the _Queen of Edom,_ the Mother of All Demons. As long as there's an Edom, she'll always be able to come back.

But if we kill her _very thoroughly,_ Alec suggests, it will take her a while to reform? Buy us some time.

_We have time, that's true_ , Magnus agrees, again, that shiver down his spine at the words. (So much time.)

So they plan an ambush. And it works. 

Even without runes, Alec is terrifying. Nephilim training with Vampire speed, and strength, and heightened senses. Lilith might have been prepared for Magnus, even a Magnus with all of Edom's magic humming beneath his skin. (Because he may choose not to be his father's heir, but in magic blood knows blood, and Edom recognizes its son.) Magnus alone might not have been enough.

But Magnus isn't alone. They win, and they destroy her body, and bury her core, locked in steel and silver, and hope it keeps her down _forever._

Or close enough as makes no difference.

Back on Earth, the world doesn't end. The Rift doesn't re-open. They don't know how Magnus and Alec are faring, but they _hope._ It's impossible not to. 

The Clave trades with Warlocks and Seelies and carefully constrained Demons for news, keeping an eye on the Rift forever waiting above their heads. And not a one of them has seen or heard a whisper of Lilith or Asmodeus.

A Warlock rules Edom now, and there are rumors he has a partner. A consort, some say, but they won't say it around the Lightwoods, not when everyone knows the Warlock must be Magnus Bane, not when everyone knows Alec Lightwood lost himself to his grief when Magnus closed the Rift. Everyone knows that Jace Herondale doesn't have a _parabatai_ rune anymore.

But the Lightwoods hear the rumors anyways, and whenever they're in Alicante they always raise a glass and toast to the sky, to Magnus and Alec. Gone, but not forgotten. Gone, but _together._

***

The first time Alec and Magnus try to make love, Magnus breaks down and cries. He's been with Vampires before, and it hurts to feel that again, cool skin against his own. So many of his memories of Alec were so _warm_ and _vibrant_ and now he's _dead._

Because of Magnus. 

Alec holds him, and promises him it's not his fault. _I'm here with you because I love you,_ Alec swears, _and I couldn't leave you and I couldn't let you die, not for us, not if there was anything I could do about it._ Alec holds him, and they both grieve.

He gets better.

They get better.

They have time. 

(The first time Alec goes down on Magnus as they're working their way back together, (he's sitting on his throne, not that that's relevant, Alec just _likes it_ ), Magnus is graphically and emphatically reminded of the fact that _Vampires don't have to BREATHE,_ and he comes so hard he swears he could see the stars beyond Edom's scorched sky.)

They research ways to keep Lilith contained, ways to heal the Rift, ways to go home. They don't have any luck, but they keep trying, hunting down books and rumors, trading with the Demons and Seelies and Warlocks who talk between Realms. 

They can't send messages back to Earth directly. It's too dangerous to make it clear they still have family there, demon hierarchy is very complicated, they are learning, and very little of it has any fondness for them, but they hope their loved ones hear the rumors, and it helps.

They don't go looking for trouble, but Alec needs to feed, and Alec can live off of Demon blood. (Sometimes it's gross, depending on the demon, and he can't drink too much at a time or it burns too thick in his veins, but it works. He never admits that he'd never even thought about that when he'd made his decision to come. Magnus isn't fooled, but he doesn't make him say it.) So they hunt, a bit, here and there.

The demons of Edom aren't terribly fond of this, since if anything less than a Prince of Hell dies in their Home Realm, they stay dead. So they attempt an organized attack. But none of the Greater Demons want anything to do with Edom, not after Azazel's imprisonment and Asomdeus' disappearance, not when Lilith is staying dead much longer than usual.

So the Demons' attack fails. They die to the very last one, and Magnus stumbles because he can feel Edom's magic stutter at such a loss, so many so quickly, and that's what gives Alec The Idea.

Lilith can't come back without her Realm to support her.

The Demons are part and parcel of the magic that holds Edom together: _so if we kill enough Demons?_

So they kill more Demons.

A lot more Demons. (They enjoy it more than is probably wise, more than either one of them would have before they lived here, before they became this, but they pull each other back from the blood-lust, from the rage, and remind each other _why,_ and who they hope some day to see again. It's enough to still recognize each other, even if they're a little more dark and bitter around the edges. They choose to remember kindness, as often as possible.)

They kill enough more Demons that the ones that are smart enough start trying to _run._ They flee to other Realms and instead of building power or attacking anyone they lie low. Some even officially ask for asylum in other Hells... with mixed results. 

Surprisingly enough, no one really tries to stop them. The new Seelie Queen isn't powerful enough to intervene, and isn't nearly as prone to manipulating everyone around as her predecessor had been. She has too many of her own to take care of, to entice back home, to help heal from Valentine and Lilith and Jonathan. The other Princes of Hell aren't at all sure how Magnus took out Asmodeus, and they all have their own Realms of Power, and it's not like they feel any particular loyalty to Asmodeus' memory? And Magnus and his mysterious partner never go after anyone who isn't of Edom, so? 

So. 

Alec and Magnus aren't sure how long it takes. Time is a strange concept in Edom, since it doesn't really have _days,_ and time between Realms is never quite even. But they can feel it working. Edom is dying. 

They don't kill them _all._ Even they can't kill a whole world's worth of Demons. But one day, as a Demon dies, Magnus feels it, feels something in the magic around him _break._ Alec can feel the dirt beneath them start to die and wither away, and they know they've done enough. 

They go back to where it all started, back to the Rift. They start a Ritual, one they've spent all this time planning, though perhaps neither of them really thought they'd ever get to use it. 

Magnus' magic is tied up in Edom, is _from_ Edom. If they kill his world without care, it might kill him too. So they bind a tiny bit of Edom to Alec, because he's already _dead._ Edom being dead won't hurt him, they can be dead together, and _undead,_ which is enough to keep this tiny bit of it still, to keep it steady. They bind it to Magnus, too, because Edom is his, and he is Edom's, and he's _alive,_ immortal and eternal, which is enough to keep that spark alight, to keep it vibrant and moving and powerful. (This binds them together, too, and they treat it like the wedding they never had, probably never will, witnessed by the soul of an entire world. They're glad enough of that, above and beyond the fact that it will keep them together as they cross between Realms, will make sure they never lose each other again.)

And then they open the RIft, and leave, taking that one small spark of Edom with them.

The rest of Edom dies.

Magnus and Alec stand hand in hand in the middle of Alicante, and there's a hole in the sky, but nothing else comes through. (It looks more like a strange haze than a hole, but at night sometimes you can glimpse the shape of stars that are different than our own.)

They've been gone a long time. 

But not too long.

Catarina finds them first. She pulls Magnus into a hug and they stay that way, clinging to each other, for a very long time. She's crying and laughing both when she finally pulls away, and she hugs Alec tight and whispers to him, "thank you for bringing him home."

(Madzie is all grown up. She remembers them still, just a little, and makes them take her out for ice cream.)

They go back to NYC. 

Alec finds Jace first, and he's old, (Grandfather old), _but he's still alive,_ and they're both crying before they even manage to get close enough to hug. Izzy and Clary and Simon are all there too, and he hugs them all, even Simon. Especially Simon, because Alec can see the combination of panic and relief in Simon's eyes, because they're both about to lose their families, their first ones, and it's going to be horrifying, but they're not going to be _alone._

(The first one's different than the rest, not better or worse, just _new,_ and Magnus is glad they'll have each other for during, and he'll be there for them after.)

Max moved back decades ago too, and there are _children_ and _grandchildren,_ that first impression was right, and they meet them _all._

It hurts to say good-bye again when his siblings die, (it’s agony, it never entirely goes away) but Alec never stops being grateful that he got to see them again before the end.

But it's not the end, of course. It's a new beginning. Their new beginning, together. A new world, a new life, a new forever. A new family, generations to meet and keep track of and cherish. And they're none of them alone. 


End file.
